Out of the Blue
by Pirateking19
Summary: Joey has to face reality when he finds himself taking care of Emma, doing everything Rachel should be doing. When something happens to her, Joey finds himself needing to quickly grow up. Rated PG-13 for topics and some language. Chapter 3 added!
1. Chapter 1

(Hiya everyone! I have returned with a new story for y'all. It's called "Out of the Blue" if you haven't noticed already... lol. Okay uhm a quick bit before I start the story off. It takes place in the beginning of chapter 10. This is kind of a darker story than what I've done before. It deals with suicide and drugs so if that ain't your thing, I suggest read something else. But this is a new plot to me and I've read tons of "Friends" related fan fiction and the idea excited me so I hope you guys like it! En-joey!!!)

Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to say I have Matthew Perry kept in my closet... I sadly so not. I don't know the actors, own the characters in the TV show "Friends", or even own share in NBC... And now I'm sad. Well anyways, that's my rant for the moment so... moving on!!!

Joey awoke late one night to hear the baby crying. He looked at the ceiling from lying on his back on his bed and rubbed his hands over his face, getting the sleep out of his eyes. He slowly sat up, moving his head from side to side, the sheets pooling at his waist. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and nodded when he read the time. Two twenty. That was about right. Her cries continued and he rolled out of bed, grabbing pajama bottoms that were tossed over the foot of his bed and pulling them on as he stumbled to the closed door. He turned the knob and walked around the entertainment unit to Rachel's bedroom. The room was completely dark and he carefully felt around the wall for the door frame and found that the door was already partially open. He sadly sighed at her cries and crept into the room.

Rachel had left on a small light in one corner for instances like these. The crib was at the foot of the bed and Emma was lying on her stomach, her tiny hands gripping the bars before her. She was facing the doorway and instantly saw Joey when he walked into the room. She cried louder to make sure she was noticed and held up her arms to be picked up. Joey smiled and reached into the crib, pulling her out and holding her against him, her head resting on his shoulder. She pulled at his shirt, still crying, and Joey kissed the top of her head before looking at Rachel. She was fast asleep in her bed, blankets pulled up to her chin. His eyes traveled to the pill bottle beside her bed and he shook his head, looking down at Emma before leaving the room.

"All right Emma, what's the problem tonight?" he asked softly, looking down at her. He reached out to turn on the lights and blinked at the sudden brightness. Emma rubbed her eyes and continued pitiful cries that tore at his heart.

"Oh come on jelly bean, please stop crying. I don't know what's wrong. I never know what's wrong," he laughed to himself. Why was he doing this? It wasn't even his child. Her cries got louder and Joey walked around the kitchen and living room with her still in his arms, thinking of what he could try tonight to get her back asleep.

The apartment door swung open and Chandler stood in the doorway with a scowl, his hair sticking up in all directions, wearing his pajamas. Joey looked up and smiled but the smile quickly fell when he saw his friend's face.

"Joe... It's two thirty. Why is the baby crying so loudly?"

"I don't know! She won't stop Chan!" Joey nervously answered, bouncing the baby up and down gently.

"Why isn't Rachel awake? No... How isn't Rachel awake? I think the entire building is awake at this point! It is her daughter after all!" Chandler said, closing the door behind him.

"She's... uhm... she's not doin' so well. Must be sick or something," he sighed. He knew what she was doing. He just didn't know why she was doing it.

"Well is she hungry?"

"No, the latest she can eat at is ten if she wakes up. She can't eat again until five. It's what her doctor said."

"...Oh," Chandler said, obviously impressed Joey knew that.

"Come on Emma, tell Uncle Joey."

"Maybe she has a tiny off button," Chandler said thoughtfully, smiling at the crying baby. Emma was getting tired but still was crying; only now it was mixed with hiccups.

"Maybe you have an off button," Joey frowned. Chandler shrugged and looked around.

"Oh man, this will be me when Monica and I get a baby."

"Yeah. Fun, huh?"

"Is she always up at night? Doesn't she, like, sleep? Like normal people?"

"No, she gets up, like normal babies do. ALL normal babies do," Joey stressed. Chandler took a deep breath and looked around the room, his gaze resting upon the changing table.

"Maybe she needs a new diaper?"

"I checked already real quick. That's not it."

"Uhm... does she want to play?"

"No, she has toys in her crib... And Hugsy," Joey muttered, unhappy the baby had taken his Hugsy away from him.

"Then just go wake up Rachel! I'm sure she'll understand seeing as how it's not your daughter to begin with."

"I can't," Joey sighed quietly. Chandler walked closer to him, allowing Emma's small hand to close over one of his fingers.

"What? Why not?" Chandler asked, surprised, watching the baby begin to cry less and get distracted by the finger she was gripping.

"She takes sleeping pills." Chandler's jaw dropped and with his free hand he pointed at Emma.

"What?! Why? She has a baby here who needs her!" Emma got more upset at the outburst and Joey frowned at him.

"I know, okay Chandler? There's nothing I can do about it! She won't talk to me about it... I just, I don't know what to do. I can't let her cry at night and have no one help her," he said sadly, looking down at the baby, her cries finally hitting a nerve. This had gone on for so long he had forgotten what a full night's rest was like. Chandler sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up more in the process.

"Oh man."

"I know." Chandler watched Emma before biting his lip and holding out his hands.

"Let me see her."

"You want to hold Emma?"

"Yeah, I think I have an idea." Joey held the crying baby away from him and allowed Chandler to scoop her into his arms, cradling the tiny baby in his arms. Joey collapsed onto the couch, holding his face in his hands, fighting the urge he had to cry. They had no idea what Rachel was doing. This was a nightly routine, Emma wakes up, he takes care of her, and she never finds out. To her, the baby sleeps through the night every night. He thought of the pill bottle and sighed. He didn't know when she had gotten them but he knew one thing, she went through them quickly. She took them not only at night but sometimes during the day. She had stopped going to Central Perk as much as she used to, maybe four times a month and always without Emma. He considered the fact that she wanted nothing to do with her child. She distanced herself from her friends and family and no one knew why. Rachel was hurting and they couldn't see how badly. Because he was her roommate, he wad walked into the apartment at night sometimes to find her sleeping on the couch, a movie playing, and Emma crawling around the apartment. Or she would be crying as the baby cried from another room, behind a closed door. It killed him to not understand why she was doing this to herself.

Joey glanced up when he realized the room had suddenly become silent. He grinned when he saw Chandler rocking Emma back and forth in his arms, walking around slowly, talking to her in a low voice, causing her eyes to slowly shut. When she was fully asleep Chandler brought her to Rachel's room and lay her down in her crib, pulling the pink blanket over her. He paused, looking at Rachel as she slept soundly, concerned. He hadn't seen her in almost a week and when he saw how messy her room was, he knew something had to be wrong.

Chandler walked back out into the living room and smiled when he saw Joey's look of shock.

"How'd you do that? It takes me an hour to get her back to sleep! How'd you do it?"

"Well I told her all about my old job, you know... Imputing those numbers, the equations, the data functions..."

"Good idea."

"I figured that since it put you to sleep twice already it was worth a shot. She has a longer attention span than you," Chandler grinned proudly to himself. He sat next to his friend on the couch and yawned, noticing how quiet Joey was.

"What's up?"

"I'm worried about her."

"No, all babies cry at night."

"No... Rach."

"Oh." Chandler patted Joey's back and looked at the clock.

"She'll be okay. Look Joe, I have to go to sleep, okay? Early meeting and all... I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Yeah, bye Chan."

"G'night."


	2. Chapter 2

I have returned!!! Yay me!!! Seeing as how the storm is passing through and it's pouring out, I have no where to go and I figured I'd update this story. This chapter will focus more on Rachel and the situation at hand and what she does the deal with it. It's rough and sad so get ready. It's also a long chapter.

This chapter was also inspired by the song "Dare you to Move" by Switchfoot. So before reading this I suggest downloading it and reading it with the music in the background although cause it is so long you might have to play it again. Just an idea, it's what I was listening to as I wrote it. That said – En-Joey!!!

One week later

Joey walked up the steps to his floor, carefully carrying the grocery bags, tilting to one side so they wouldn't fall. He shuffled to his door and leaned his shoulder against it, crouching down to gently allow a few bags to slip to the floor. He took his free hand and searched his jeans pockets for his key. He finally found it and pulled it out, grasping the bags so they wouldn't fall and putting the key in the lock. He unlocked the door and unable to turn the actual doorknob, leaned his back against the door and walked backwards to push it open.

Rachel, sitting in Joey's chair, looked up when she heard someone enter the apartment and turned the chair using her feet, a smile spreading across her face when she saw that it was Joey.

"Hey!"

"Holy shit!" Joey yelled, caught off guard by the fact that she was awake, and the bags slipped out of his hands. Rachel gasped, cringing when they hit the floor, groceries spilling out of the bags. He slowly turned around and grinned his sideways smile at her, nodding his head.

"Hi Rach."

"Oh, Joey I'm so sorry! I only saw your back; I didn't know you were carrying bags." She got up and went over to him, stepping around the food on the floor. He scratched his head, crouching down to look through the bags.

"No it's okay, the eggs and bread were in the bags out in the hall. Nothing broke or squished."

"Oh that's good," Rachel smiled. Joey looked up at her, seeing that she was wearing his Knicks sweatshirt that was much too big on her. It came to her knees and she tiptoed over him to get the bags in the hallway, holding her arms across her chest. He smiled to himself, surprised she was awake. He hadn't seen her up in two days. She either stayed in her room or slept and here she was, walking around the apartment, helping him out. He scooped the food back into the bags and picked them up, putting them on the counter.

Rachel walked back through the doorway, holding the bags, balancing a box under her chin, hooking her foot on the edge of the door and pulling her leg to swing it shut. Joey looked at her and laughed as she began to fall backwards, holding too many heavy bags. He gripped her arm and pulled her closer to him, taking a few of the groceries out of her hands. She breathed a sigh of relief and giggled, her eyes sparkling with laughter. Joey grinned and sorted through the bags, placing the different food items on the counter in different places. Perishables bear the refrigerator, cereal under the cabinets, cleaner under the sink with the child lock on it. Rachel pulled at the hem of the sweatshirt, going back to her seat, pulling her knees to her chest and stretching the sweatshirt over her legs. Joey looked up and grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement. She looked so cute and innocent, not at all the distraught woman she really was. He was afraid to say anything and cause her to retreat back to her room. So he eyes the ice cream carton still in the bag and a smile crossed his face.

"Hey Rach?"

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up. He held up the pint of Ben and Jerry's and watched as her eyes lit up instantly when she recognized the label.

"Chunky Monkey?" she inquired softly. Joey nodded and he pulled open the silverware drawer, reaching for a spoon. He walked over to her, handing the gift out to her and she happily accepted, pulling off the lid and digging right in. It was the first time he noticed how skinny she had gotten and he wondered the last time she had eaten. None of the food in the apartment had been touched at all in the past week. He backed away from her, also seeing how pale her face was; dark bags under her eyes, and normally blue eyes were now a dark grey. It scared him, she was slowly killing herself.

"Oh God Joe, it's so good," she laughed, bringing the spoon back to her mouth. Joey nodded, holding a hand over his mouth, not sure what to do.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Her smile fell instantly, her brow furrowed and the spoon clinked in the carton. She placed it next to her on the table and began to get up when Joey quickly stepped forward.

"Rach, wait."

"No I uhm... Emma-"

"Emma's napping." Rachel found him standing a foot away from her and looked down, ashamed. She didn't even know where her own baby was. A tear rolled down her cheek and Joey wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. She buried her head into his shoulder, her tears seeping through his tee shirt. He kissed the side of her head, running a hand up and down her back, able to feel her spine through the thick sweatshirt.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"No... No it's not," she sobbed. He turned around, still holding onto her, and slowly sat down into his chair. Rachel climbed onto his lap, huddled in a ball, her frail body shaking. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help.

"Come on hun, you're shutting everyone out. You gotta tell me what's wrong." She shook her head and he sighed, holding onto her.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what's wrong with me," she responded softly. Rachel leaned back, adjusting herself so she was sitting on the arm of the chair, her legs up against his chest and her feet on the other arm. Joey looked up at her, reaching up to brush her bangs away from her face. She was hurt, he could see it in her eyes.

"I know about Emma." He looked questioningly at her.

"How you take care of her at night."

"Oh... It's okay-"

"No Joey, it's not. I don't... I don't why I take the pills. I can't help it," she said thoughtfully, twisting her hands nervously. He wrapped his hands around hers.

"It's okay. You'll get through this."

"I don't know..."

"You will." She looked down at him and sadly smiled, shaking her head, and reaching down to hug him again. Joey didn't know how to re-act, he didn't know what to say to that, he could only sit there.

"Ross isn't as good to her as you are," she laughed somewhat. Joey looked at her as she got up off the recliner, putting the ice cream back in the freezer. She wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"This... act," he said as if he were disgusted. Rachel let out a laugh and shook her head.

"You're not fooling me. You can't just put on a smile and pretend like everything's fine Rach!"

"Why not? Why can't I pretend?" Joey looked at her questioningly, letting her go with this. She leaned one hand on the counter, standing across from him.

"I lost my job Joey! I have no money... I can't take care of my baby. I can't fix things with Ross. Ross doesn't even want to take care of Emma! Did he tell you that?" she practically shouted. Joey was shocked, shaking his head, unsure why anyone wouldn't want the baby sleeping in the other room.

"Why?" he whispered. Rachel shrugged her shoulders, pacing the kitchen.

"He says he never wanted another baby with another failed marriage. He doesn't want her Joey," she sniffled, pointing to her room.

"I can't even take care of her. I didn't know she was asleep and she was in my room the whole time you were gone! I can't tell you what kind of food she eats now. What kind of story she likes someone to read to her. Her favorite stuffed animal, anything! You have her or my mother has her! Or Monica! And they don't mind but I do! I care when you watch her Joey! I care when you get up in the middle of the night! I care," she broke down in sobs, sinking to the floor out of his sight, holding her hands over her face. Joey got up and slowly walked around the corner and saw her crying, hiding her face behind her knees. He sat down on the floor and let her cry against him. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Joey got the strength to say anything.

"Why do you take the pills?"

"To escape," she said easily, as if it made everything okay.

"I love you Joey, you know that right?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I love you too Rach. I'm always here for you." She nodded, pressing her face into his shirt.

"Thank you for everything. You're the best thing for Emma. You're the only one who actually cares about her."

"That's not true, you-"

"You love her more than I do." They were silent and Rachel finally knew what she had to say.

"If something happens to me-"

"Rachel-"

"If something happens to me ever," she continued, ignoring his pleading eyes.

"I want you to take care of Emma. Not Ross. Not my mother. Not even Mon and Chandler. I want you to take care of her."

"Rachel-"

"Joey, please," she begged. Joey nodded hesitatingly, pulling her tightly against him, letting her cry on his shoulder. He didn't know what to do now. He didn't know where to go. He didn't know how she would be after this.

The next morning

Joey walked down the hall, talking to his mother on his cell phone, motioning with his hand as he turned the corner at the top of the stairs.

"No mom, they said I wasn't right for the part... No they-"he stopped in his tracks when he saw a crowd of people outside his apartment. Policemen, firemen, people who lived in the building. He pushed past them, hanging up on his mom and putting the phone in his back pocket.

"Excuse me, I live here," he said as he squeezed past them. He walked into the apartment and saw Monica standing in the kitchen, her hands covering her face, sobbing as Chandler held her against him, his eyes red and teary as he nodded to a police officer who stood before him talked, saying things Joey was too far away to hear. He hurried over to Chandler and put his hand on his shoulder, looking around the apartment at the policemen going in and out of Rachel's room, shaking their heads.

"What's going on Chan?" Chandler slowly turned to him and his mouth opened silently, beginning to cry. Monica looked up at Joey, tears streaming down her face. The policeman pulled off his hat and held it at his side and waited for Joey to turn to him.

"Mr. Tribianni?"

"Yeah, that's me, what the hell is going on?" Joey questioned, panicked. Where was Rachel?

"I'm sorry to tell you... Miss. Green was found in this apartment after a suicide attempt." Joey let out a sob and looked to Monica who reached out to him.

"Joe... Rachel's dead."


	3. Chapter 3

(Back again!!! Thanks for the reviews guys!!! Here's the next chapter in the story... This is a bit of a graphic chapter so it's still PG-13 for a rating but it's just a warning. It's sad too, but this whole story is. Please keep reviewing so I know what you think!!! Thanks again!!! En-Joey!!!)

"Joe... Rachel's dead." And then his world collapsed around him. He instantly pictured Rachel sitting in his chair when he had gotten home yesterday; the smile she gave that brightened his day. He looked around the apartment and saw yellow police tape across her bedroom door. He closed his eyes and stepped backwards, leaning against the wall for support.

"Oh God," he choked out, holding a hand over his mouth, tears forming in his eyes. Monica went over to him and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shirt. Joey couldn't move, he just stood there, taking it all in. Chandler talked to the police officer, nodding, and every now and then glancing at his best friend and his wife sadly. Joey listened as the police officer spoke quietly, listening to what had happened over Monica's cries. His arms enveloped her and he held onto her tightly, his mouth opening slightly as a tear ran down his cheek.

Someone had heard a lot of commotion upstairs and had called the police. When they got there, they had heard a baby crying and knocked down the door calling a few times, causing Chandler and Monica to come into the hall to see what was going on.

Joey glanced at the doorway where the crowd had grown and saw the broken hinges hanging on the wall. He looked down at Monica and rested his chin on the top of her head, gently rocking her back and forth.

They had found Emma in her crib in the living room, hysterically crying for someone to get her, and seconds later found Rachel in her room, the kitchen knife plunged deep into her chest.

Joey closed his eyes, burying his head in Monica's hair and Chandler let out a gasp, clamping his shaking hands on the counter behind him.

She was barely alive when they found her and died soon after they arrived. The officer apologized again to Chandler, saying they did everything they could do but with a suicide attempt this severe, not many survived. He asked him if there were any signs of this in Rachel and Chandler, still in shock, could only shake his head. Joey looked up, his face pale and eyes wide as he remembered the day before, the talk they had, the breakdown she had suffered, and everything about Emma. He pulled back from Monica, bending down to look at her.

"Where's Emma?" She sniffled, pointing to his bedroom. Joey still held tight to Monica but walked her towards Chandler and she instantly switched, letting go of him and clutching Chandler, who let go of the countertop and hugged her tightly to him. Joey walked to his bedroom slowly, nervously looking toward her bedroom. There were a few men in there in uniforms cleaning up, carrying things out in plastic bags, a few of Emma's toys, some clothes. He paused and watched and they carried out her pillow that Monica had given her as a Christmas present one year, her name stitched in purple cursive across the front. In the man's hands now, it was splattered with blood and Joey shuddered, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath before going to his room. He quietly knocked on the partially open door and slowly pushed it open, stepping inside.

His heart broke at the sight before him. Phoebe sat on his bed, her eyes red and wide with fear, clutching a sleeping Emma on her lap. She didn't even see Joey walk in.

"Pheebs," he whispered and she looked up, pulling the baby closer to her, protectively. He went to her side, sitting next to her, touching her hand. She began to cry, trying to say something but it only came out hiccupped sobs. Joey didn't know how much more he could take of this.

"Oh, Joey," she sniffled, rocking back and forth, running a hand over Emma's head delicately. He looked at the sleeping baby and remembered what Rachel had said the day before.

"_If something happens to me ever...I want you to take care of Emma. Not Ross. Not my mother. Not even Mon and Chandler. I want you to take care of her."_

"How'd this happen to her? I thought she was okay," Pheobe sighed, wiping her eyes. Joey looked at her and knew he should have told someone about what Rachel was doing. She made him promise not to but he knew he should have at the time. And now... Now he felt responsible. He could have gotten her help. She would have been better. He reached over and carefully picked Emma up out of Phoebe's lap and held her against his chest, feeling her heart beat against him, listening to her steady breathing as she slept. She was safe in his arms and it was all he could hold onto now. It was all of her he had left.

Chandler peered into the room and sadly smiled to the two, going in and standing in front of them. Joey felt his eyes were puffy from the tears he held back.

"Joe?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up.

"Officer Douglass wanted to talk with you." He must have been the one Chandler and Monica were talking to when he came in.

"Okay."

"Uhm... Joe? It's... they found a letter."

"What kind of letter?" Joey asked, handing Emma to Phoebe who gladly took her into her arms, kissing the top of her head. Chandler took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"They found a suicide letter... To you." Joey froze, looking at his best friend who sadly nodded. Joey left the room, looking over his shoulder at Phoebe and Emma, with Chandler following close behind. Monica was waiting in the kitchen with Officer Douglass, watching the two approach. She went into Chandler's waiting arms, hiding her face in his shirt. Chandler patted Joey on the back as he walked by.

"Mr. Tribianni... We found this envelope in Miss. Green's room. We didn't open it because we figured since it's made out to you, you would be the first to read it. I know it's a lot to deal with but... here." He held out the crisp envelope and Joey took it, taking a deep breath before looking down. He instantly recognized Rachel's neat handwriting, his name across the front of it. He looked at his friends before opening the flap and pulling out the letter, unfolding it and getting the strength to read it.

_Joey,_

_If you're reading this, I don't know what to say to you other than the fact that I'm sorry. I was messed up Joe, I was lost and hurt and sad and everything else that made my life a living hell. I'm sorry that I feel I need to do this and I'm even more sorry that I've hurt you guys in the process. Joey, I need you to realize that this is the only way this can end my suffering and I can't imagine the pain it will cause in your life. Don't take it personally in any way, this was all my doing. I love you Joey, I love you so much that I can't live in your apartment, seeing how much it hurts you to see me this way. You'll take good care of Emma. I made sure she is in your custody now, you are the sole guardian of Emma. Please tell everyone I love them and I'm so sorry that I did this to everyone. I love you. - Rach_

_Please tell everyone how much I love them. Tell Monica she's my best friend for life. She's going to make a great mother one day. I wish her the best of luck and I'll always love her. Tell Phoebe to keep smiling, keep singing, and keep being herself. She's going to be the strength everyone needs. Tell her I think she's going to marry Mike and have a girl who she'll name Rebecca. Tell Chandler I love him, he makes me laugh even though I don't always understand his jokes. He's going to make the best father any child could have and he's a wonderful person. Tell Ross I'm so sorry for everything we've been through, everything we've done, lost, loved, said, saved. He'll remember our best times together and he'll have to understand that you are now sole guardian of Emma. If he puts up any fight, show him this letter and tell him I want it this way because I never wanted to intrude in his life in any way. Tell my family I love them. And finally, tell Emma I'll always be with her, watching over her, and tell her all about me when she asks. I love her, I was just mixed up and couldn't get better. Joey, please tell her I never didn't want her, I always loved her and I'm going to miss her. I regret not being able to see her grow up and become a wonderful young woman. _

_I love you all. _

Joey looked up, through tear filled eyes, and saw Chandler and Monica watching him sadly. He looked at the letter again and couldn't believe this was really happening. Monica let go of her husband so he could console his friend. Joey watched as he walked up to him and hugged him tightly, patting his back. Joey cried openly into his best friend's shoulder, sobbing so hard his body shook. She was really gone.


	4. Chapter 4

(I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!! Oh I know how you've missed me. All the sadness and heartache... Yeah, I'll stop while I'm ahead. So it's taken a while, with college starting and all ï I'm in college!!! How weird!!! Anywho, here's chapter 4. Same rules apply, same disclaimer, same obsession. I'm a HUGE Joey Rachel fan and I love their friendship. I'm also amazed no one asked me about where Ross was last chapter. BTW- The song is by Bon Jovi called, interestingly enough, "Always." All right? En-Joey!!!

Oh – As another note, -and this has been fixed as pointed out- this is set in the beginning of season 10. Monica and Chandler are planning on adopting, Mike never proposed, and Ross is the only 'Friend' who went to Barbados. So that's where Ross was for the last chapter because this part of the story happened right after Barbados. Also, Emma is not one yet so anything that happened on her birthday aka first word never happened. Also as a quick note to a review I got, Rachel did go back to work and it said earlier she was fired from her job. So that's where she was... Set!)

The funeral was held on a dreary Monday afternoon, cool and grey with enough drizzling rain to require umbrellas. Joey was glad the day was as miserable as everyone felt. He glanced out the window from inside his apartment and sadly dressed Emma in the new dark purple dress he had bought for her, watching as she happily pulled at the bow that tied across her waist, completely unaware that her life had forever changed. From in his bedroom he could hear a knock on his door.

"Come in!" The door opened and Monica snuck inside, quietly closing the door behind her. She had a simple black dress on, her mascara already smudged from crying. She walked to his doorway and smiled, wiping her eyes, as Joey picked Emma up, straightened her dress, and handed her to Monica.

"I'll watch her as you get ready."

"Thanks," Joey said as he kissed the side of her head and went back into his room to get changed into his suit. Monica took Emma to the couch, sitting cross-legged and putting her on her lap, holding her tightly in her arms. Joey listened through his closed door, hearing her softly singing to Emma, singing in an almost whisper.

"And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day, always. I'll be there till the stars don't shine. Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme. And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind. And I'll love you, always." Emma looked up at her aunt and grinned, Monica smiling and kissing the top of her head.

Rachel's bedroom door was closed, even though the room was empty. Anything that had meaning were already taken by the person it meant to most to. Photos were split up, one of her and Joey at her thirtieth birthday party was framed and on the kitchen counter. Emma's toys were moved out of her room and in the living room. The girl clock she took from Mr.Heckle's apartment now was displayed proudly in Monica's. Rachel's apron when she worked at Central Perk went to Gunther, who always left it hung on the coat rack when anyone entered. She still had her wedding dress and her mother took it, leaving it in her house safely so one day, hopefully, Emma could wear it. Everything else was thrown away or donated. Joey had stood alone in the apartment with Emma, watching as Rachel's stuff was taken out by men and into a dumpster. He watched as a few of her dresses were carried out and he stopped them.

"Uhm... no those are staying." The red dress she wore to the Soapie awards with him, the green one when Ross had gotten so angry with her because she wasn't going to be ready for his paleontology ball and she had gotten ready just in time. Her bridesmaid dress from Monica's wedding when she found out she was going to have Emma. The dress she wore to the gala with him and Phoebe and he thought he guessed correctly on the boat. The dress at the wedding reception when they found out Chandler had taken off. It was too much. She had kept them all this time. He just couldn't bare to see those dresses be trashed. So he put them in his closet, hung neatly, all her dresses from important events. Everything else could go. He couldn't look at her other stuff the same.

He straightened his tie and looked at his watch, pulling on his jacket and leaving his room, a smile crossing his face when he saw Emma watching him with wide eyes and a huge grin.

"There's Uncle Joey!" Monica said, resting her chin gently on the top of Emma's head.

"Hi Emma!" He crouched down in front of her and she giggled, saying incoherent words to just make noise and Monica bit her bottom lip trying not to burst out laughing. Joey pressed his lips together and humored Emma, nodding his head as she babbled on.

"Is that so?"

"Gebbbbb... gllllleb... ehhh... sssssoooohhhh..... eeeeggggblah."

"Wow, really?!" Emma smiled, proud of herself, and Joey ruffled her hair with a laugh.

"Oh I'm so glad you're here kid. Someone needed to lighten the mood."

"I think she misses her mommy, she was looking around when you went to go get changed," Monica frowned sadly, kissing the top of her head. Emma looked up at Joey.

"Mmmm... ma... mama." Joey's eyes widened and Monica gasped, leaning down to look at Emma.

"Oh my God, did you just hear that?"

"Uh... I think so." The door opened and Chandler walked in, stopping short when he saw them both staring at the baby.

"What's going on?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

"Mama," Emma smiled, looking up at Monica then at Joey, kicking her feet.

"Oh my God." Chandler walked up beside Joey and looked at him, his mouth hanging open.

"Oh, honey," Monica frowned, tears filling her eyes. Joey folded his arms over his chest and Chandler looked at his friend before glancing at his wife.

"Well at least it wasn't you know... uhm... Gunther," he laughed loudly then quickly quieted, shuffling his feet before walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Monica.

"Mama," Emma said louder, looking around.

"Emma, sweetie... Mommy's not here," Joey said softly, going up to her and scooping her into his arms. She blinked a few times before her lower lip quivered a few times. It broke his heart to hear her first word be the one person who wouldn't be there to hear it. Her mama.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," he whispered and Emma broke into a loud wail, struggling to get out of his grip on her. He looked at Chandler and Monica who watched with distraught faces, and found himself starting to laugh.

"Figures, huh? Worst day of my life and it just keeps on getting worse," Joey shook his head, moving Emma to rest on his hip and found her pacifier, handing it to her and she immediately put it in her mouth, tears still rimming her eyes.

"You know, you didn't... it's not your fault Joe," Chandler said finally, leaning his head on Monica's shoulder. Joey shrugged, looking down at his feet, kicking his show against the floor.

"Well I didn't fix anything..."

The crowd was thinning at the cemetery, people leaving; clutching their umbrellas over their heads, softly expressing their apologies to the group of five huddled together. Ross was the one who spoke for them, having come to the funeral twenty minutes late, nodding when they said how sorry they were, and what a good person Rachel was. He agreed and thanked them. Joey held tightly to a sleeping Emma, cradled against his chest, and looked at Ross. He didn't care what happened to her, he didn't have the decency to show up at the wake. To everyone else he was heartbroken, saying how much he loved her and never expected this, and how now all he had left was Emma. Joey looked down at the baby and sighed, Chandler patting his back. Monica and Phoebe had their arms around each other for support, Phoebe holding an umbrella, sadly looking at the flower covered casket.

Joey looked down at the bouquet of white lilies he held in his hand and felt Emma starting to stir; she had slept through all of the ceremony. He handed her to Chandler and slowly walked to the casket, looking down at the flowers before crouching down in front of it, picking at a petal.

"You know, I don't know why you did this... And I don't think you knew just how hard it was going to be on us... on me," he said softly, unaware Ross was watching him closely. Joey ran a hand through his hair and bit is bottom lip, touching one finger to the casket.

"But I promise... I will take care of her," he said, his voice cracking as tears filled his eyes. Chandler watched him and took a deep breath, kissing the top of Emma's head as she played with the button on his jacket.

"Okay, Rach? I'll do everything I can to make sure she's happy... and healthy... and taken care of, but I can't... I can't be you. You're her mother... I just wish you had realized that before... And I'm sorry you did it," he choked out, hiccupping with sobs, placing the flowers on the top of her casket. Phoebe wiped her eyes, approaching Joey carefully.

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't help you... I tried, I really did... I miss you Rach, no one's ever been as good to me as you have... I love you, please... please know that. All right?... We all do and we all miss you... I just.... I wish this wasn't so hard... Telling you goodbye." He brought his fingers to his mouth then touched the casket before standing up slowly, holding his hands over his face. Phoebe wrapped her arms around him and he collapsed against her, sobbing and she hugged him close, kissing the side of his head.

"I know."

"This can't be it Pheebs... This can't be goodbye." Phoebe looked at Ross and remembered the night they had fought, when Rachel had found out when he cheated on her.

"Then how come it is." Ross looked at his daughter and back at Joey before walking away.


End file.
